The drugs dont work. Or maybe I forgot to take them. 04:30 am Im wide awake, theres no metallic taste in my mouth, but one of the pills is missing from its packet. Did I take the pill out of the packet and then forget to take it? Welecome to my world, the world of limited attention span.
Spent ysterday afternoon with the Gardener. Actually, spent more the afternoon with her dog. We, Dot the Dog and I, went for a short walk, slumped in a field and then slept. It was so relaxing.
The Gardener. Ok, 24. Yes...I know....English....yes, I know.....Has a boyfriend....yes, I know. All a bit crap really. She's beautiful, imperfections all over the place but adding up to a package that makes your heart sing. She's kind, gentle, afraid of confrontation, dithering, indecisive, hippyish. You know, all thse things that you can imagine that I would run a mile from. However, here we are, having known each other for a year at least, having had an affair for at least 6 months of that year and still profoundly close emotionally.
We know each other far too well. We have never had a dispute which we have not been able to talk about and sort out. We havent had sex but fumbling around together we know that the sex would work well.
And yesterday, like St Paul on the road to Damascus, I saw the light. The reason she will not go out with me? Not her boyfriend. But her boyfriend before that. The Pink elephant in the corner of the room that nobody mentions. Who I share a name with, share an age with ( approximately) and who has a similar personality in some ways...and who she is still in love with......
She quirmed, scratched her neck a lot, and pretty much confirmed all of this.
Which makes me feel better in a curious way. I need to work out why it makes me feel better. I think she needs to work out why she is going out with her present boyfriend, who is a disaster waiting to happen.
Is this getting more confusing?
Affair for 6 month and never had sex?!
Posted by: Glow | April 08, 2009 at 10:23 PM
No, coz she was going out with someone and hated the idea of having an affair and being unfaithful.....
Who are you, Glow? :)
Posted by: Stephen | April 08, 2009 at 10:51 PM
Ahhh, Its you, Sveta.....
Call yourself what you are, why hide ?
Posted by: Stephen | April 08, 2009 at 11:54 PM
Personally, I feel emotional infidelity is a far worse betrayal than a little sex on the side. But that's just me.
Posted by: Jenny | April 09, 2009 at 07:46 AM
Surely depends what you are being unfaithful to? If you are being unfaithful to a partner who is loving, giving and caring, then yes. If on the other hand she or he is an ass monkey who you shouldn't be seeing anyway...then betrayal is a strong word....
Posted by: Stephen | April 09, 2009 at 08:24 AM
I'm going to disagree. What matters is the commitment made. If your partner is an "ass monkey," then end the relationship before embarking on something (someone!) else.
I'm no saint. And I know very little about your current situation. So please know I'm speaking in generalities, not specifics. Cheating is a symptom of a bad relationship, not the cause.
Posted by: Jenny | April 10, 2009 at 08:14 AM
I appreciate your words. I also think talking in generalities is perhaps the way to go here, more diplomatic. And I think your last sentence to be absolutely right
Posted by: Stephen | April 10, 2009 at 10:45 PM